I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
