I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize