just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
