I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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