no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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