I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
