Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party