He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
