My liver just broke up with me...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.