Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He passed out mid-signature
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us