I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?