Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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