it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can I color on your dick again?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
