i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
