Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
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Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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