why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
