She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
