The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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