Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
