It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Fuck appropriateness.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
