I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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