Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
