yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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