I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
