Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
