Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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