I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm passing your future prison.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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