I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
