So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize