I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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