so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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