I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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