a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
