so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
