Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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