i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
