do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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