If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
