You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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