end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
4 words: hood of his car
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
