At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
