great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize