So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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