She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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