a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
