I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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