You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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