bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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