Soap is not a condiment
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
