just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
