3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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