Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
