She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
