And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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