you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My vagina is very pro this idea
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