it was like his penis was on wheels.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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