We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
