Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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