Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
