i don't like sucking hair
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
