apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
