exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
