Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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