I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
kristin has been a bad kristin
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
