she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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